Marriage Musts

Hannah and I were talking yesterday about how important it is to marry a man who respects your mind. This was my Mother's #1 piece of advice for me, and the more I encounter sexism in the Christian church the more I am grateful for my husband. I married a guy who sees me as Christ sees me; and he not only hears me, but thinks I have something worth saying

Marriage is more than just the good qualities of one member, though. Marriage is a union of two equal halves. Both sides must bring their best to the table. So, while I do urge Hannah to marry a man who listens to her, I would add, "Be sure to say something worth hearing." 

Marriage Musts
Here is my version of the must-have qualities for her husband, with a counterpoint just for her. These qualities are inspired by the Saxophone Player, and are listed in no particular order.

1. He must listen to you. 
    Be sure to say something worth hearing.

2. He must keep growing. 
    Be the sunshine of his life.

3. He must have a grateful heart. 
    Be considerate of his needs.

4. He must care about your personal growth. 
    Be willing to change.

5. He must never give up. 
    Be merciful, when he fails.

6. He must make you laugh.
    Be always charmed by his efforts.

7. He must be in love with God. 
    Be sure God is your first love first. 

8. He must be the priest of your home.
    Be submissive, and pray he lead well.

9. He must be affectionate.
    Be his comfort.

10. He must be generous.
      Be a good steward of all you have.

11. He must be a faithful provider.

      Be content.

13. He must defend you.
      Be careful to choose your fights well.

14. He must hold himself to a biblical standard.
      Be "a woman who fears God." (Proverbs 31)

15. He must have a servant's heart.

      Be willing to serve alongside him.

16. He must communicate.
      Be a good listener.

17. He must make you feel beautiful.
      Be the woman who makes him feel like a man.

18. He must care about your interests.
      Be invested in his.

19. He must be respectful of your family.
      Be in love with his.

20. He must be kind and gentle.
      Be strong and supportive.

21. He must be transparent.
      Be slow to anger.

22. He must be your Brother in Christ.
      Be his intercessor.

23. He must cherish you. 
      Be respectful of him. 

24. He must share the duties of homekeeping.
      Be a good manager of your home.

25. He must lay down his life for you. 
      Be his best friend.

Whittier, California in 1993

Portland, Maine in 2012